Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

Dear Lady

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Dear Lady Behind  Me At The Checkstand,

I know that I was in the express lane with a full cart.  But you see, it was the only lane open that early in the morning and the checker told me to.

I know that I used a bunch of coupons.  I have to to make it.  Did you not notice that I was all paid up and ready to go, and that I was waiting on the checker?

So, really?  Was it necessary to actually bump my behind out of the way with your CART when I was leaving?  Are you really in that big of a rush?  I’ll be accepting your apology anytime…

Sincerely,

Michele

2 days to go

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That’s it.  Two days to go.  Today and tomorrow.  I’m getting butterflies.  My goodbye lunch is today.

Wrath of the Lich King came out today…  Or really, midnight last night.  Amongst those that know me, I’m considered a geek.  I’ve always thought so too.  I’m interested in video games, I’m into computers.  I have a blog, and know how to both update it, as well as play with code.  I’ve known html since ’95.  For goodness sake, my husband and I sit and play computer games together.

After standing in line last night waiting for the midnight launch of this game, however…  I don’t think I can honestly say I’m a geek anymore.  Or is there a difference between a dork and a geek?  I really don’t want to be mean.  So I’ll just say – all stereotypes come from somewhere, people, and man were they manifested last night.

And.  OOOOOh.  I got ticked.  We’re in line for my group to buy the game, so we’d be ready for them just to be passed our at midnight.  Some boy comes up, and was gushing all over my “cool” husband, what characters do you play?  What realm do you play on?  Horde/Alliance, etc.  My husband answers him.  He then turns to me, and says in a hushed voice, “You don’t play do you?  I mean you’re just with him, right?”  “No, actually.  I’m a guild officer with a level 70 mage, and a level 70 rogue, and numerous alts.”  Apparently that can be said with contempt, because that’s just what I did.  Don’t worry!  I won’t bring down your raid with my poor little girly raiding skills.  For crap’s sake.  Ugh.  As I told Poe, “What the hell am I supposed to be if I just came with you?  A WoW Groupie?”

Bullets

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The bad things that come when you decide you’re going to do somthing God wants you to do:

  • Your husband loses his mind and buys unneeded game items.
  • Your husband’s car loses it’s alternator.  Still waiting to find out the cost on that one.
  • Your potentional replacement employee (you know…  The one that’ll let you get out of your notice earlier?) is in a major accident, totalling his car and sustaining head trauma.  Thank God his daughter wasn’t in the car at the time.
  • Your parents see all of this and think you’re DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED, and absolutely crazy to try it.
  • And then I come home at night and know that I’ve got nothing left to give my children.  So – I will not be defeated.  I’m coming home.

A post you should read.

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So, there are those out there who say I shouldn’t be doing what it is I do. What? Oh, that would be writing about my life. You see, I’m exploiting my children. And they’ll hate me for it. And I’m profiting off of my website, and therefore, I’m profiting off of my children. And I’m invading their privacy.

Let’s get a few things straight.

Wanna know how much I make? It’s ok, I’m alright about transparency…

I make about $15 a month in advertising. I also make about $40 a month total from my Stars and Special Needs sites. That’s paid blogging right there, folks. On the flip side, I pay about $15 a month for hosting – but whenever there’s a change. Like needing more bandwidth, there’s a fee. I’ve spent $100 in fees in the last couple of months. Oh, and if I have a problem or re-design, it’s anywhere from $25 to $200 a pop.

Yeah – I’m simply ROLLING in the dough.

And before you say I’m just waiting to hit it big? Think this is my big break? I’ve been writing online since 1994. Yeah. 14 years. Ftp, notepad, and aol server space ftw! Remember geocities? and changing every single page individually and ftping every single page individually? every day?

So – I’m not waiting for my big break here, peeps.

This is my journal. Mine. If someone takes an interest, and I end up with a product, or something, or GASP! actual money? I say, Go Me! This is still my journal. Is it a business? Sure, it can be. I think my opinion and thoughts are worth something, yes.

Also – let’s make something clear. The children? Those kids? Those sons I love more than life itself? They came into MY life, sweethearts! Not the other way around. I do not exist solely to serve them. I do it. I do it gladly. And no matter what I think when I’m at my worst, those kids are good, polite, have good moral fiber, and aside from their congenital abnormalities – healthy. In other words – I’m a good mother if their example is to be believed. But they are part of my existence right now. And I will write about them. Just as I talk about them. just as I experience them.

I don’t think it’s dangerous.

I don’t think they’ll be harmed any more than their natural abhorrence of all things parent will harm them.

I don’t think their photos being on my website will incite the pedophiles.

I’m not going to plaster my address all over the ever loving place – but Dooce makes an excellent point. Are we to live in fear of those strangers that see my kid at the grocery store, who saw my kid in person, and even saw my license plate, and even could follow me home?

I’m not going to live in fear.

Why do I write publicly? I write for three reasons.

I have to. I have an uncontrollable urge to spill my guts out – the pretty and ugly ones.

I am journaling my life. Each year, I have my blog printed in paperback form, and keep it for posterity.

I meet other people like me. Because I interact with other people like me. Because I can exchange ideas with other women. This is an opportunity I would not have outside of my blogging community.So – I’m sorry if you think I’m some, “money grubbing mommyblogger (said with as much scorn as possible) pimping out their child and whoring themselves.”

I’m not going to stop doing it until I no longer have the urge to write.

Posts on the subject:

Hormones Suck

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The last few days have been hard.

I think it’s been hormones.

I’ve been just DRAGGING through the days, completely exhausted despite extra sleep.  No motivation to do anything, be it yucky stuff like cleaning, fun stuff like blogging, or have-to stuff like work.  And the crabbiness.  Seriously.  Like the world was out to get me.

I woke up much better today.  So – either I was ovulating, or my period’s going to magically appear in a couple of days.  My cycle’s wonky, so take your pick.

All I know, is I’m happy to be joining the land of the living again.  Having energy and motivation is not something to take for granted.

Tell me that at 3pm today when I hit the wall, mmmmkay?

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