Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

Goodbye to the Decade

By Leave a Comment

I’m having a bit of trouble starting the New Year fresh. I think it’s because I need to say goodbye to the last year, and the last decade first. A lot has happened. So… I’m getting out my calendar, and doing a brain dump of the last decade. Here’s what I experienced. I’m sure I’m missing both good and bad… I used my calendar to trigger memories. Many of the things below happened to someone else in the family – but I was the manager, caregiver, bureaucrat, administrative assistant, nurse, lawyer, taxi driver and more. In addition, there has been significant spiritual growth – and attempts at spiritual growth. It ebbs and flows. There are a couple of other things I’m not ready – if I ever will be – to share yet.

Work Related

  • The ins and outs of my business. Losing and gaining clients. All the frustrations therein.
  • I fired a toxic client.
  • I let my longest client (of a decade) go so I can concentrate on the the things coming in the next couple of years. My work with him was a significant mental drain.
  • I’m slowly closing that business to open a different one in a different field.
  • Way too many, “What the hell do I do with the kids?” days where they had no school and I didn’t have work off.
  • Jay started the decade with a career change into security after two years of unemployment. He’s still with the same company, holding 7 different posts, and is now the Watch Commander of his shift. A decade of the graveyard shift, and still going.
  • He’s dealt with more than his fair share of burglaries, assaults, drunks, thefts, and trespassers in his work.
  • He had to testify in court about a particular experience in which a high trespassing woman attacked him with a fire extinguisher.
  • He fended off a knife attack with a mentally ill drunk who thought he lived at Jay’s work, and that Jay was stopping him from getting into his home. He came home and the first words out of his mouth were, “It’s not my blood.”

Travels, Friends, Entertainment

  • Have watched two friends’ marriage crumble, and all I can do is be a sounding board.
  • Friend traveled to visit me twice – once when mom died, once when dad died.
  • Jay went to San Jose to see his brother graduate from rehab.
  • Logan went to Ireland.
  • Logan went to Pennsylvania.
  • Logan went to Bellis Music Camp – 2 times as a camper, 1 time as a junior counselor.
  • 4 camping trips
  • 1 girls weekend in Palm Springs
  • 3 DCI shows
  • Big Bear for Christmas when I didn’t think I could handle the grief of it at home
  • San Jose for Christmas
  • Logan went to Palm Springs with Amy
  • Pahrump
  • Jamaica (first real family vacation ever)
  • Las Vegas
  • 3 Renaissance Fairs
  • 5 time the kids went to San Jose to visit grandparents
  • 2 Idaho trips to look at property
  • Dallas to watch the Cowboys in a home game
  • Transiberian Orchestra Concert
  • 4 tattoos (of 10)
  • Made friends. Lost friends.
  • Said goodbye to some toxic people – mostly family
  • Jay got to drive fast cars on a racetrack
  • 40 birthdays among my little family.
  • 10 (out of 21 so far) anniversaries with Jay.

School & Kids

  • Got two kids through elementary school and middle school – and all the volunteering, notes, field trips, lunches, homework, and recitals that entails. Oh.My.God. the volunteering (which continues).
  • Got one kid through high school, and the other is almost done.
  • Joseph being tested for a clinical trial for children with bipolar. He didn’t qualify for the trial. He’s left-handed. Turns out, left-handed folks’ brains are physically wired differently and the study needed to be an apples-to-apples study. He’s not bipolar anyway. He has early onset schizophrenia.
  • Transition to and graduation from a special needs elementary, middle, and high school for Joseph.
  • Transitions from elementary, to middle, to high school for Logan. He’ll be a senior next year.
  • Logan gained a girlfriend (and it’s almost their year anniversary).
  • 2 Elementary graduations.
  • 2 Jr. High graduations.
  • 1 High School Graduation.
  • 42 IEP meeting for the kids.
  • Logan started playing music with the ALF. Weekly lessons at 6am. Oof.
  • Logan started in the Jr. High orchestra, then moved to Jr. High band.
  • Logan moved into High School Marching band, Concert band, and Winter percussion.
  • Countless rehearsals Logan is driven to and from.
  • Countless parades, concerts, fundraisers, camps, field shows, and competitions to be loaded in, loaded out, transported to, and volunteered at.
  • Junior High dances were attended.
  • Homecoming was attended
  • Logan was Student of the Quarter for Science
  • Logan got his driving permit
  • Joseph began and ended football.
  • Joseph began and ended karate
  • Groundings and fights and arguments and punishments and consequences.
  • Sex talks
  • Learned how to do life – like laundry and cooking
  • Received a PTA Founder’s Day Award for my work with the elementary school (over a decade of being the Communications Chair)
  • Became VP of Communications for the MPA – in my 5th year

Pets

  • Many, many vet visits that didn’t make it into the calendar
  • Gained a dog named Lucy.
  • Cared for a cat through intestinal cancer.
  • 2 cats lost, Sassy & Pebbles
  • 2 cats gained, Ginger & Mozzie

Medical

  • 5 different psychiatrists gone through for Joseph (7 total)
  • 3 endocrinologists gone through for Joseph
  • 5 therapists gone through for Joseph
  • We took the step of medication for Joseph.
  • Threw out my back/hips – turned out I have an issue with my pelvic bones and vertebrae courtesy of pregnancy. Months of chiropractors and months of physical therapy. Still not totally there – but I’m not bent over in back pain either.
  • 26 therapy visits for myself.
  • More than 355 dentist/doctor visit among our family almost always needing labwork ahead. This includes regular doctors, eye doctors, pediatricians, gynecologists, surgeons, endocrinologists, cardiologists, therapists, psychiatrists, radiology, and oncology
  • Diagnosed with adenomyosis – hysterectomy incoming this year – bleeding more than I’m not
  • Attempted uterine biopsies – not possible in office. Turned into biopsies in the hospital under general anesthesia
  • Major dental work including bone grafts, caps, bridges, and dentures
  • 5 mental hospital stays – with the ER, police activity, red tape, and followups entailed
  • 1 broken nose
  • 1 broken thumb
  • 1 mammogram
  • 3 ultrasounds
  • 1 open abdominal surgery with two teratomas and several fibroids removed from ovaries and uterus (and the accompanying recovery time)
  • Severe ingrown toe requiring ongoing care and infection management
  • 2 chest xrays
  • Severe burn
  • 2 eyeglass prescription changes – including moving to progressives.

Housing/Transportation

  • 2 car accidents
  • 3 septic visits for emptying and repairs
  • 3 times switched phone/internet/cable companies
  • 2 homes gained through inheritance
  • 2 homes sold
  • 2 homes rented
  • 2 cars purchased
  • 4 vehicles obtained
  • 3 vehicles given away
  • 1 ticket
  • Landscape redone
  • Outside of houses painted

Drama, Crap, and Grief

  • Helped my dad care for my mom through illness and Alzheimer’s.
  • I watched my mom die on Father’s Day, 2013.
  • I helped dad, Jay, and my kids deal with her death. Not to mention my own grief and issues.
  • Helped dad through life without mom – Paying bills, and getting affairs in order, etc.
  • Visited with a lawyer 10 times in helping my dad, dealing dad’s estate, and then family drama resulting from estate.
  • Walked dad through diagnosis of Stage IV Prostate Cancer – including oral chemo, pain meds, hospital stays, biopsies, pet scans, oncology visits, and so very much blood. Learned how to administer fentanyl.
  • Took over dad’s financials when he was on too many pain meds.
  • Moved in with dad to care for him.
  • Started in-home hospice to care for him.
  • Dad died on my birthday in 2018.
  • So. Much. Family. Drama. The black sheep. The one who’s not “really” their kid. Hatred that I’m the one in charge. Being blamed for actions taken by others decades before. Death – or really… estates – really bring out the worst in people. I’m still working it all out here on the blog. Jay eventually had to take over familial interactions.
  • Worked with bankers on estates (a new one for me)
  • Learned way too much about Family Trusts
  • Fought with a neighbor over and over again over septic smells… Coming from her house… that she blamed me for.
  • Installed security due to family drama. And got law enforcement involved on several occasions.
  • 12 court/legal/medical legal/government proceedings for Joseph

Who knows what the next decade holds? In the next couple of years, we’ll see a major operation for me, someone getting their driver’s license, another high school graduation, cleaning out of probably 100 years worth of cumulative stuff of my parents’ and their families, purchase of land and a house or building a house in another state, and moving to another state. Not to mention the gains, losses, happiness, grief, sadness, and milestones.

This next year… This next decade… I will bloom.

What the Hell Happened to Me?

By Leave a Comment

In a word… Life.

I was looking at my blog and realized that I haven’t written consistently since 2016. Wow. And then life went crazy.

Here’s a very short synopsis, and I hope to come back write more specifically.

  • Mom died.
  • The after mom stuff – like what happened to her body and teaching dad how to function.
  • Getting used to dad’s new normal – which includes hording.
  • Getting used to our new normal.
  • Sassy dying.
  • Pebbles dying.
  • Dad becoming more dependent on us.
  • Dad getting sick.
  • Dad dying.
  • The after dad stuff. Like my family being fucking crazy, and death bringing out the very worst in people, and realizing I really don’t have anyone but Jay. Finding out what people really think of you? I don’t know.
  • Joseph graduating – and going from a minor to adult in all services.
  • Jamaica.
  • Lucy
  • The houses – pre-selling. Selling.
  • Moving, renting, the guest house, and more family what-the-ever-loving-fuck.
  • Hysterectomy?
  • Where we are now.
  • What the plans for the future are.
  • Jim. And Jeannette, my dad, and the whole tale.
  • Updates on Jay, Joseph, Logan, the pets, and me, now.

Let Me Tell You Where to Put Your Benefits Package

By Leave a Comment

<Vent Incoming>

I’ve never mentioned what company my husband works for. And I won’t now. But I’m heated at them, and so I’m-a-gonna-vent.

We get our health coverage via covered California. Why? Because to put our family on his work’s offering would cost 40% of his take-home pay. Which leaves 60% for things like EVERYTHING ELSE INCLUDING RENT. For example, if I paid you $100, first, you’d have to pay $40 for your medical insurance, and then have $60 for your rent or mortgage, car insurance, gas, utilities, groceries, phone or tv or internet… You get the picture. We’re on a shoestring as it is, so that’s not happening. Our rent is 20% of our pay. In other words, their offering is twice our rent. There’s something wrong there. And this isn’t actually my vent.

ANYWAY. While the medical offering is way out of our league financially, we do get their health insurance, as otherwise we wouldn’t have any, and this year, we signed up for vision. I need to take care of some things eye-related. Those premiums aren’t crazy, but this is the first year I’ve signed up for it. (My husband’s work, but he brings me all the paperwork.)

First of the year comes and goes, and I verify that yes, his payroll has been deducted, but we’ve received nothing on the vision plan. I ask Jay to find out who he has to talk to, because I don’t have a card, or a list of doctor’s or anything to prove we’re signed up. He finds the person and asks me to draft an email for him to send. (He works nights – email is his best bet.)

Email he sent:

“G’morning,

During open enrollment, I signed up my wife and I for Vision coverage. I confirmed that the coverage premium was taken from my paycheck. Will we receive any information on providers, or receive cards, or some such? There’s a need to visit an ophthalmologist, but we don’t know where to go.

Thanks in advance,”

Let me preface this by saying I have worked in HR. I’ve been the person that handles benefits, and signs employees up with the various companies. I’ve been that person you go to when you have a benefits question. So, when I tell you the response is inappropriate – I know what I’m talking about.

HR Division Manager’s Response, in its entirety, minus the signature:

“Did you read through your benefits package?  You have to ask your doctor if they accept our vision plan and they will tell you what’s covered.”

So, Dear HR Manager, actually yes, I did read through the benefits package. Vision got one half of one page, shared with dental, on which it was explained that it’s a ppo with in-network and out-of-network stuff. AND THAT’S IT. I actually know what’s covered and the copays, I just don’t know how to find an in-network doctor, or PROVE I’M COVERED TO THEM. “You have to ask your doctor if they accept our vision plan and they will tell you what’s covered” Is NOT in the package. Did YOU read YOUR benefits package? Doctors are NOT supposed to give me a primer on my coverage, should I need it, YOU ARE. They’re paid to tell me that I’m blind. So – no worries… I’ll fucking find the vision plan’s number myself, go through the run-around of getting them to figure out that why yes, this random Michele Wilcox is a covered member, and ask them to give me a list of available doctors. At the very least, you could have said this as an HR MANAGER (Remember, I’ve done your job): “I’m sorry, but the vision plan works a little differently than other coverage. If you call this number, xxx-xxx-xxxx, or visit this website xxxxxxxx.com, and tell them you’re with ABC Company under Vender Number sl;dkfjsdlfl, they’ll be able to help you find the information you need. Please don’t hesitate to call with any other questions, I’ll be happy to help.”

</vent>

Crazy Relatives and a Crazy Few Days

By Leave a Comment

The last week or so have been yucky and crazy. And this week, the kids are on spring break, while I deal with all this with them at home. It’s no big deal – just adds a layer of complication.

So… Let’s see. Let’s go topically.

Joseph

He had two incidences at school last week prompting calls to me etc. I won’t go into the details – at 15, that’s his story – but as a mother, it leaves me anxious, nauseous, worried, and and then I’m unable to sleep, which just makes everything worse.

Logan

Last week, Logan had three separate performances for the orchestra, missing a day of school for one set of them. He made it into a week long summer music camp (awesome) but I think I’m going to have to take him to the doctor to get a medical release (not so awesome – hard to get those appointments). In addition, his IEP for the year (go over this year, prepare for next year) happened. But they did it at 7:15am – meaning I had to get up at 5am, when I had only been able to get to sleep at 3am (see Joseph above). It’s been rough.

AND? I have to take him to the Museum of Tolerance for a required assignment. The assignment was that we could go to a memorial which is 5 hours away, minimum, or the Museum of Tolerance, or do a book report. Logan is on an IEP for learning issue – one main issue is converting his knowledge into the written form to convey his ideas. To do well on this assignment, the book report is a poor choice. However. We are busy on Sundays. They are closed on Saturdays. That leaves the work week. I don’t want to take him out of school, which leaves spring break. Which means, I have to lose a day of pay, and pay $50 to get Logan and Joseph and me in (Joseph is on break so he has to come with us), plus another $20 in parking. That pisses me off. And it pisses me off that the teacher is like, well of course you can spend that money. Um? Yes, he could have done the book report, instead. True. But that wouldn’t have actually taught Logan much in the way he learns. So I’m left paying the price, not to mention pissing off clients for a non-emergency. So that’s happening Thursday.

OB

My brother (currently the oldest since Robert died) has been having issues. I’ll call him OB, many of the issues are legal. Him and his wife, I’ll call OBSIN – it fits, have been sucking my father into their issues. It’s a long story that started about August of last year. I won’t get into it here in case of legal issues. But just a smidge of the drama, in one day and night, I contacted the Sheriff’s department five (5 as in 1-2-3-4-5) times due to her drama. OB spent some time in jail. He then got out on probation (or is it parole? It’s the one where you serve the rest of your sentence, really, but out). But they have significant financial troubles, and have been mostly homeless. I know OBSIN eventually was staying with a niece of hers, but I don’t know if that’s the case. My father’s been helping them off and on, in little bits. He let OB live in the back apartment for like two weeks after jail. All he did was sleep and eat. I tried to give him resources for jobs that take freshly released inmates – he DOES have skills – but he didn’t want them. Whatever dude, you’re 57.

The reason they’re homeless? They were living on his job’s property – the boss let them live in the basement of the place he worked. The deal was OB only, OBSIN was out of the state. Then she came back – and really that’s where it all went downhill. She wanted things her way, told OB’s boss, and OB’s boss was like… Um, no. So she smacked him. So he fired OB and kicked them out. They then tried to turn around and sue for unemployment and unlawful firing. Because that’s how they roll.

Anyhoo… Moving on past conviction, jail, an incident that landed me a 4th cat, the Sheriff, and an OBSIN who wanted to bring up ancient history when she didn’t get her way, and OB is out. Dad actually had all OB’s work stuff (he had his own tools/machinery), and it’s all in the yard tarped up. Dad found out that OB was driving a truck. His license is suspended, and the truck apparently belongs to a dead friend. My dad warned him again and again not to drive, and not to drive that truck.

In the meantime, They have a storage unit of stuff (they stashed stuff in storage all over town, and then we started getting collections calls trying to track them down). It went to auction due to non-payment. OB begged dad to bid. Long story, of course, short, and the auction finally happened yesterday. Well, the night before yesterday, Dad was trying to get ahold of OB. He wanted to make sure that he wasn’t having any friends, or OBSIN’s mother, bidding in the auction too – because that would just be their way. Dad never heard from them. So we bid in the auction – and we actually upped Dad’s high bid by several hundred more dollars than he wanted to go, but ultimately we lost the auction – he just didn’t want to go that high, and they are now losing their possessions.

I’m sure that will be Dad’s fault in the end. Or mine, for “talking him out of it.”

The reason that OB didn’t get back to Dad is because he’s been arrested. Again. For that damn truck. He’s currently being held on $25k bail $50k bail – it just got raised. OBSIN’s got the balls to ask my Dad for it (trust me – I haven’t told you half the story – it took serious balls), and Dad said no.

The Damned Computer

We received our tax refund, and we sat down and decided on what were our priority items needed, since we very rarely have a chunk of money. One of the things was a new computer. It would be for me, and Jay would take my perfectly great computer, because his died a painful death. The one that died was one we bought in one day for very little money so I could limp along with work after a cat/water incident. So this time, I was determined to get a good one that had what I needed to grow, and handle what I handle with ease. I finally chose one, and bought it from Amazon.

I got the computer two days ago, on Sunday, and I start setting it up. I have a bunch of different software I use. One thing I also use (because I’ve gotten my ass handed to me in the past) is Carbonite, for backups. So other than a browser I like, that’s one of the first things I tried to install to provide an easy switch for my files on my old machine. It would not – it said it couldn’t connect to their server, that it was being blocked somehow. So – I completely deleted their webstorage (in case that was blocking), the antivirus (I have one I’m installing of my own), and turned off the Windows firewalls. Still nothing. So I contacted Carbonite’s help support. They were very helpful. First dude took me through some things (like turning off the firewall). When that didn’t work, he took over my computer. He did a bunch of stuff, and from what I could see, he was hunting for hidden blocks, like virus scanning software/firewalls that might be hidden. There weren’t any. He finally apologized, and said he needed to escalate me to the next level of help. Story of my life, really.

The next lady was also very helpful, and took over my computer. She went into the system’s error logs. There were a bunch of errors that basically meant that Carbonite could not write to the harddrive. She said that she couldn’t help with that. Ultimately my computer was blocking permissions to Carbonite at the harddrive level, and that I would need to contact the seller or manufacturer. She sent me an email explaining what she did, the process used so I would have the verbiage, and the errors found, keeping the ticket open.

So I contacted Asus. While I purchased from Amazon, I figured they couldn’t help me actual internal tech support. At first I thought they would be helpful. The first person I talked to listened to what happened, and also had me paste the text from the Carbonite support. She went away, came back, and told that I needed to do a factory reset, and gave me the instructions on how. She then gave me a ticket number so I could come back if need be, after the reset was done, and installation attempted.

I attempted to reset using her instructions, but the key to get into didn’t work. Like at all. So I hunted a different way to get to the reset on the internet, and was able to set the computer to factory settings. But Carbonite again didn’t work. So I went back into the support, using the ticket I had. The new person basically said – too bad, so sad. That’s third-party software, we’re not gonna help. Why? Because I had installed something else that went fine. Carbonite is a little different though. It delves a little further into your system (on purpose, it’s meant to). But he said that since I was able to install other software, it’s a software, not hardware issue. I had already internet searched for this issue in regards to Carbonite. Nothing about this issue – and you know darn well, when it’s a software thing, everyone and their mother complains about it. It got heated between us. I said, “So – what you’re telling me is that the software says it’s hardware, the hardware says it’s software, the computer is out the box two days, you get a crapload of money, and I have a nice, expensive brick, and can’t access my work files?” Yes. They would be willing to have me ship them the laptop for a minimum of two weeks while they ran “diagnostics” on it. You know darn well those diagnostics would return as “fine.” I was spitting mad, and wasn’t about to send the machine to them and draw this nightmare out.

So? I called Amazon. I had a hell of time finding the proper contact number – so I just internet searched HELP Amazon phone number, and there it was. I spoke to a man named Charles. I told him what was going on in a basic way. This is what he said. He didn’t know if it was a hardware or software issue. But. He would send me another brand new computer, give me a label to send this one back. Then, at least I’m attempting with another machine. If it was hardware, maybe this will solve it. If it was software, I have another level of information to send to them. I get the new computer tomorrow. I’m not out any further money. He really attempted to listen to the situation and do what he could do to fix it. I specifically purchased the computer from Amazon fulfilling straight from the manufacturer, on purpose, so we wouldn’t have a third party selling issue on such an expensive item, and I’m so glad I did. So I’ll see what happens after I receive the new one.

Moral of the story is, I love Amazon, Asus’ “help” isn’t help at all, and Carbonite tries to help you, in a really nice way.

But for someone who has trouble spending money – all this chaos over a really expensive item is very draining for me.

So – the last week or so has been stressful.

Something You Should Read

By 4 Comments

First, I want to say that my son’s issues focus more inward than outward (toward himself rather than others). I don’t fear for others when they interact with my son – but I fear for him. My son suffers from mental illness. He’s 12. We are doing everything… everything in our power to help him. Everything we can think of. We’ve done a good job so far. We have. We are responsible. We watch his triggers. We have him in a special school trained to watch for his triggers before it turns into a crisis for him. Because in full blown crisis, he believes that his life is not worth anything at all. Sometimes he uses the tools he’s been given. Sometimes he forgets to – because he’s 12. Now that puberty has been thrown into the mix, the hormones mixing in with his brain chemistry, it feels sometimes like we’re starting all over again. He suffers. I hate watching him suffer. I worry. Always.

But he’s good. He’s kind. He’s funny and joyful. He’s an incredibly gifted artist, and has NO rhythm whatsoever. He loves to read. He’s discovered Harry Potter (the books) now that we’ve gotten past some of his reading learning disabilities. He’s discovered some other authors, and asks me to put on holds for him at the library. He gladly takes his medication, and he trusts and tries with his therapists and psychiatrist. He cooperates with his own care. He really, really tries. His little brother annoys him, and he worships his father. He has a truly close relationship with our cats (I swear animals are here to be healers sometimes). He asks for affection now. He wants hugs and kisses. And his room is perpetually filthy and smells like 12 year old boy. He likes toast for breakfast, loves ramen noodles, and asked for a Nintendo 3DS for Christmas. And for some odd reason his pants have started hanging off his butt, and I’ve started telling him to pull his pants up.

As I watched things unfold yesterday, I thought to myself, “I am Adam Lanza’s mother. And I’m all those other mothers, who’s children he stole. How, oh HOW do I keep from being Adam Lanza’s mother?” And I kept thinking about gun control. Why is the conversation about gun control? IT’S NOT ABOUT GUN CONTROL. STOP TALKING ABOUT GUN CONTROL. It’s about mental illness. For me, it’s about making sure this child, my child, my 12 year old little boy can grow up to be a functioning adult who doesn’t think “I should never have been born.” He made that statement last week. Thank God he spoke the words, though. He spoke the words and we as his parents, and his therapists, were able to help him through it so he didn’t make the statement a reality. Even a year ago, he wouldn’t have spoke the words. You see the guns don’t matter. If it’s not a gun, it’ll be a knife, or a machete, or a shovel, or pills, or a car, or or or… It’s not about the method. It’s about my son’s beautiful, beautiful brilliant tortured brain.

I don’t know what Adam Lanza’s life was like, or what his motivations were, or what his issues were. But one can logically say he must have been mentally ill to do what he did, right? But by God, I’m trying with my child to make sure that I never have to wonder. The fight is so fucking hard from every aspect.

Another mother wrote a heart-wrenching post. One that felt a little too close for comfort. But truth always is. Please read it. I’m no activist. I’m just a mom trying to her best for her son, and hoping against hope her best is good enough for him to survive. But perhaps the next time someone says “gun control” in reaction to a tragedy and senseless loss of life such as yesterday’s (God, such beautiful lives cut short… families annihilated) you’ll remember this post and think, “OK, but what about helping people cope with mental illness? Could that be a more constructive question?”

I love my son who has social phobia, ADHD (inattentive type), myriad learning disabilities, and clinical depression.
I love my mother who is bipolar (and now has Alzheimer’s).
I tried to love my biological mother who had borderline personality disorder.
I tried to love my brother, who was bipolar and hung himself at the age of 52.
I loved my aunt, who was clinically depressed, and killed herself with a shotgun at the age of 55.
And I try to love myself, I have PMD, and deal with these “episodes of thought” every blessed month, as well as depression.
There are more, but feel I can’t state their stories here. Some got help, some didn’t. None speak of it.

I got help. I got my son help. I couldn’t and can’t help my other family members. But, unlike the rest of my family, I refuse to be silent, the secret, the skeleton in the closet. I want my son to LIVE. And so here, I air my dirty laundry. Maybe it’ll help someone out there speak up, for themselves, or for their child. Maybe it’ll prevent terrible tragedies. Maybe it won’t do anything at all. But I refuse for it to be something to be ashamed of.

Recent Comments