Okay so it’s been a while. Let’s see if I can re-cap. Went to Disneyland with Jay’s family, and Joseph. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Jay’s parents took Joseph and went off to ride wee-little rides, which left my husband and I to our own devices. Fine with us! We had never been to Disneyland together before. So we rode rides that Joseph is too young for. We all got sunburned, Joseph got terrified on the Pirates ride, the haunted house broke down while we were on it, and Space Mountin is closed for remodeling until 2005 – which is just wrong. But we took a very happy, very exhausted little 3 year old home with us that night. A couple of days later, Logan and Joseph went away north with Jay’s parents, and we didn’t have to deal with them for a week and a half. They just came home yesterday. Logan learned how to walk while there. And I missed it. I’m not pleased about this. It’s taking some time for them to adjust back to discipline-land after being in papa-land. Then came the bachelorette party. Let’s just leave it at that. I think it’s been years (plural) that I’ve been that drunk. The rehearsal, dinner, wedding all went off without a hitch. Or at least the bride doesn’t know about the hitches, since I fixed them, and that’s the way it should be. The happy couple are safely ensconsed on some island in Hawaii, hopefully getting sunburned, drunk, and having entirely too much sex. Jay and I had a long talk a couple of nights ago. He’s having some issues. Some violence issues. Not that he’s getting violent with me. But it’s random. He was in the Marines. He went into the Marines straight out of high school. After the Marines, he went straight into drugs. Now that he doesn’t have either one of those, he’s about to snap. He’s been suppressing everything negative in his life, and not dealing with it. In other words, if he’s having a problem with someone or something, he just buries it. Pretends it doesn’t exist. It’s creeping out of him now. He’s going to snap. Literally. As in we decided he needs to find an outlet or a psychiatrist today. He and I were engaged in marital duties, and he blanked out. Literally froze in what he was doing. When he snapped to, I was certainly shaken, but he wouldn’t talk about it. Later, I got him to tell me what happened. He had a flash back to beating up someone at boot-camp. He thinks the intense emotions of that day, and of what we were doing at the time were the link between the two, at least, he can’t think of any other connection. And on Friday, I cleaned up his hand, after he cut it setting up the sodas at the dinner. Turns out he lied. He punched the ice. As hard as he could. For no reason. So, he thinks he’s coming close to hurting someone. He surrently researching martial arts studios. That helped him when he first got out of the marines, and he thinks the combinations of meditation, physical exertion, and discipline will give him the outlet he needs. The only problem, we’re finding, is finding a Christian practitioner. Jay doesn’t want to be immersed in eastern religion or mysticism. That is also proving difficult, as we have only found them out of the state. But, I’m glad he talked to me about what he was feeling. And I’m glad he’s ready to do something about it.

Amy’s wedding is killing me. At least the hard part is over. I did her California shower. Her dad’s side of the family lives in Washington, so her best friend and maid of honor (who lives there) gave her a shower for that side of the family and friends, especially since most couldn’t afford the trip to the wedding. That was nice. But I did the California one. I hate stuff like this. One, I had to bone up on the “how-to” of a wedding shower. I had never been to one,and no one gave me one. Two, I hate social occasions like this. Especially when I’m the focus of attention. I gave the shower so I had to MC, and conduct the games, and award prizes, and embarrass Amy, and do all that stuff. I’m a great hostess, but I hate it hate it hate it. Give me a couple close friends, steaks, beer, a pool, and a dartboard or poker, and THAT’S my kind of comfortable social bonding. But I’m great at the social thing when I have to be. In this case I had to be. And let me just say that my four flower arrangements were THE hit of the party, and they all thought I had the flowers “done”. He. But from now on, I’m more of a participant. The week after next, there’s the bachelorette party, which the other bridemaid is doing. It’s going to be at “Howl at the Moon”, a dueling piano bar at Universal City Walk. Then the rehearsal, dinner, wedding itself, which entails professional makeup and hair. Which I love. I just can’t “fancy up” my hair. It’s curly. My hair is defintely like Shirley Temple’s, and always has been. I also have another dress fitting. In the midst of all this chaos, I have to go to Disneyland, and take yet another day off of work. My boss is fine with it though. Almost Jay’s entire family up north, on his father’s side, is coming here to do the tourist thing with their kids. most of them have never met Logan, and Jay’s Lesbian Aunt that no one talks about will be there. She happens to be Jay’s favorite aunt, and I’ve never met her, so he really wants me to meet her. I hate Disneyland. I really do. But I can’t just tell Jay no, that’s not right. It’s his family we’re talking about. But the good news here is… Drumroll please… Jay’s parents are taking the kids for two weeks. Yaaaaa hoo! A freakin’ break! AND I don’t have to worry about babysitters for the bachlorette party, rehersal, dinner, hair/makeup, nails, wedding, and receptions. That’s a lovely thing. I’m going to miss them and I worry that Logan is too young, but I really feel that them taking the kids every summer is good when they want to have a close relationship, but don’t live close. They took Joseph last summer too, when Logan was born. We’re hurting bad on money, worse than before. A series of things out of our control – mostly car issues – but we’ll claw our way out eventually. I’ve lost more weight!! Lost almost 17 pounds, total now. Technically I way less now than when I got pregnant with Joseph. Woohoo! I think I have like 27 more to go before I reach goal. But it’s working!

First… I got a dishwasher!!! It’s beautiful. My first major appliance… I feel like such a grown-up.

In the TMI Catagory: I’m am finally a woman. You see I couldn’t use tampons, like most women can. And now, due to my surgery, it’s possible for me now. My goodness, I love this. No more pads! This is very exciting. I have a friend at work that I’ve been asking questions of. You know, the kind that you usually ask when you’re first using them, and you ask your friends in whispers, terribly embarrassed, but SHE had gotten her period before you. Those kinds. Well, Since this is the first time, there you go. This is so much better. Now if I could just get rid of the PMS, bloat, cramps, back pain, and headaches, I’d be great.

I haven’t been feeling well for about a week. I’m not “sick” exactly, I just have been feeling off & tired & and sometimes have an upset stomach. As a result, I don’t feel like writing, and I go home at night to hide and hibernate til I feel better, which means that nothing much is going on anyway. But I thought I’d give a little update to let you know I haven’t fallen off the edges of the earth.

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