limbo – and not the good kind I have this weight of Jay’s strike hanging over me. It will be the loss of a paycheck for us. This is very scary. I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. October 5th is the current date. What are we going to do? There isn’t anything else really going on, so I guess that’s why my mind is on it so much. Work is picking up a little bit. The future aquisition is creating more work. In and of itself – that is a good thing. Our sparring gear is coming in on Tuesday. Meaning Thursday, we’ll be able to actually fight. I’m nervous. Am I going to have the guts to really kick someone like I mean it? I never want to hurt anyone. Jay thinks I’ll be really polite until I get a hit a good one. He thinks that then I won’t have a problem with throwing a few of my own. We’re going to be able to spar together. We weren’t sure that was going to happen – in tournament it’s gender specific, so we asked. He said that it will depend on what he thinks about my fighting. He doesn’t want to put me in to fight with Jay if I’m going to get messacred. While we are the same belt and experience, Jay is a former Marine and the instructors know it. In fact, one of the senior students (a blackbelt) who sometimes leads stretching and warm-up, he told Jay that he can’t watch Jay do push-ups anymore. Jay does it how it’s supposed to be done, looking up at a target, instead of down at the floor. His face gets red, and he concentrates. In other words, he looks mean. So Marshall told Jay he just doesn’t watch him anymore. My husband, the yellow belt, scares the competing black belt. No wonder they’re reticent about putting him in the ring with me. Anyway – everythings all jumbled and up in the air, and scary, with career changes, graduations, strikes, and lay-offs (not to mention pre-school) looming on the horizon. I hate living in the limbo, waiting for that other shoe to drop.

where did my money tree go? Hmmm. It’s going to be really expensive to stay in Tae Kwon Do. But we’ve decided to do it. Not happy about the money, but there are so many benefits to us as a couple, us as individuals, it’s just something we need. And I love the fact that there isn’t any mysticism involved. It’s about learning enough to be self reliant (in a good way, not in an idolotrous way) and then passing on that knowledge to others, that they can do this. We have meditated, but it’s been in a catch-your-breath-something’s-coming-up way. For example, they had us meditate for about 5-10 minutes before I tested, breathing, and I prayed. So – we’re going to find a way to do this. We feel that we need to keep it up. But it’s going to mean sacrifices. Especially since all of that stuff is going on that I mentioned yesterday. An update on yesterday’s entry… The strike may happen on Oct. 5th. We don’t know that for sure, but it’s getting closer, since that’s the first actual date we’ve heard of. This is scary to us. Jay won’t be receiving a paycheck, and we don’t know how long it’s going to last. In the next 6 months or so there are a lot of changes coming – the big kind. FlyLady is working for us. It’s a wonderful thing, and Jay’s been helping me. It’s much more calm at my house. Good things can happen when a scale isn’t involved. What has been your most memorable (or important) non-scale victory to date? 2 things. When my \”skinny-look-hot-on-date-night\” jeans got so big I needed a belt to keep them up. And when I had to have a size 14 dress for a wedding, and THAT needed to be altered because it was a little too big (when I thought I’d need a size 18). Of course the jeans thing is a doubel edged thing – I have no money to buy new jeans. So I wear a belt and hope for the best.

There are so many balls in the air, and we have so many things hanging over our heads. Jay’s union may strike. Which means, if they do, that he won’t be working or getting paid for the duration. Jay finishes school in 4 months. Which means he will be getting another job, in a new career, for less money than he’s making now. In the long run, this is a good thing. The the short term, it’s going to suck. Because the pay will be less, but the child care will go up (full day), and the student loans will come due in 6 months. In addition to that, I might be laid off. Our company might be bought out, which means the L.A. office would be moving to Europe. Which means, I’m outta here. I don’t think my boss (the Pres.) is willing to relocate to Europe, so perhaps I’ll move the wherever he moves to? That or I’m out of a job. In addition the THAT, our lease has come up for this office space, and our real estate department in New York isn’t sure whether they’re going to sign for another year, or move us to the studio (which will be a moot point if the buy-out goes through). Joseph really needs to go to pre-school. I think he’s ready both in age and mental capacity. But we don’t know what’s going to happen with Jay’s work/location. We’re not sure what’s going to happen with my work/location. And I don’t want to pull him out of school to go to another school, so I think we’re going to wait and see what happens on all these fronts before we make a decision about his schooling. We were going to have him go to school a block from Alma, which would be perfect. But that district closed the permits that said the child could go there if the care-provider was in the area. I just don’t know what we’re going to do.

So, this morning hasn’t been too great… Was on the road for work for 2 hours. Then I got pulled over for a speeding ticket. My second in my life, my first since being 18. Not thrilled. Means more money out the door, and traffic school to boot. We went to the tournament on Saturday. Bottom line: we want to compete. So.

Drumroll please… Michele (and Jay) is a yellow belt!! I did it! I actually did it! I’m so proud of myself. I was so nervous I almost threw up yesterday when I thought about the test coming up. But I did it! I stuttered a bit during the question/answer part of it, but I always stutter when I’m very agitated. I had the right answers though. And I was the only one that Master Shinn didn’t correct during my poomse (20 position routine). AND we got patches that we have to sew on to our do boks (uniform). Everyone got one for whatever they did best out of everyone testing. Jay got \”Best Form\”, one little boy got \”Best Split\”, one boy got \”Most Improved\”, and I got \”Best Kicking\”. I’m very very proud of myself. Going to lunch with Amy today.