So… I don’t remember if I mentioned it before, but I’m definitely getting laid off. My last day will be Dec. 31st or earlier. I would love to stay home full time and really concentrate on my new business, and Jay & I’s new business together (more on that later), but we simply have to have medical coverage and Jay doesn’t – we have to have it for Logan’s heart appointments. I’m not looking for a new job yet. I want to wait until we get official word on the actual date of departure (for starting the new job, whatever that will be) and frankly, it’s because of them I have to leave, so I want my severance! Yay – just one more thing to worry about. So, Jay’s aunt and uncle have invited us into their business, and we (after so much thought and prayer and pros and cons it’s not even funny) have decided to join them. When the website is done, I’ll add a link. We don’t know what this will lead to, but we agreed to give it a year of honest trying, and then re-evaluate in a year. The kids have been gone for almost a week with the grandparents in San Jose. It was only supposed to be for a couple of days, but then Jay’s mom got called in for jury duty, and they couldn’t drive the 350 miles to bring them back, and they’re stuck with them. Heeeeeee They’re coming back tomorrow. We’ve learned that silence is golden. I’m still sick from my cold of three weeks ago. I’m going to the doctor next week if I don’t start feeling better. This is beyond ridiculous. Jay and I are trying so hard to get by, so hard to get ahead, so hard to try and find our place that we want to be, and it’s just not working. Years now. But we both feel that big changes are a coming.

OK, I have a stomache ache. My boss is going to the UK to meet with the people who bought us out. A coworker, however, had to edit her boss’ agenda for that meeting (I work for pres, she works for VP) and it said on one of the bullets, \”Discuss L.A. lease and notify employees.\” Our lease is up Dec. 31st. I’ve been racking my brain, but there’s really no reason for them to keep this office open. Hence, the stomache ache. Jay’s great-aunt and great-uncle are trying to get us involved in their business, which I won’t mention here due to its searchability. I’ve waffled so much I’m surprised there aren’t little dents in my forehead. I want to do it, then I don’t want to do it. Lather, rinse, repeat. God is strangely silent on this, and we want to be patient and not do it (or NOT do it) without a nod or no go from Him. With all the turmoil we’re going through right now, we sure could use some guidance. Jay still hasnt’ heard from Blockbuster, except to find out that he’s still in the background check phase. So we also don’t know what’s happening with that. I guess he’s going to call tonight, when his friend is in, and try to get an update on that front. My business is starting to pick up a smidge! I just landed an Australian client. It’s only for a couple of hours a month, but hey – he actually sent his deposit in, so I’m a happy camper. I’m also taking a VA Marketing Course since that is definitely my weakest point to try and create a marketing kit – oh, and learn how to use it. Jay’s birthday is on Saturday. His parents are coming down and taking the kids for a few days. We’re going to the Magic Castle to celebrate. It should be fun, since he’s never been. Joseph has been lashing out at Logan when he’s mad about something. Not mad at Logan, but using him anyway. Pushed him off a slide at Alma’s house. Pushed him off the bench so he fell backwards on the concrete on his head. Big gooseeggs. Alma was PISSED OFF. She would never say so, but she has a soft spot for Logan. I’m quite curious how he’s acted when I get there today to pick them up. I guess that about covers everything then, huh?

Yes, I’m truly alive. We have a lot going on at the moment, and I’ll try to get you up to date. Jay. Still working in Redondo Beach. That’s not going too well, since that boss is getting more and more verbally abusive, actually calling him a, \”Stupid Motherfucker\” in front of his coworkers over an aesthetic disagreement. You just don’t speak that way to your employees. His car died. He’s using my car, and I’m using one of my parents’ trucks. Kids. Oh my gosh… Logan is just a cute little thing – he may actually be the one to watch when their older… I’m afraid he’ll be the one to sneak out, while Joseph will just tell us off. Joseph is onery, like he always is. Him and his father are going to butt heads when they’re older. I guarantee it. No one can push buttons on Jay like Joseph. And Jay is as laid back as it gets. But they’re good. Logan doesn’t have to have his heart checked for another 6 months, and has gone from the -3% to the 25% in growth which is excellent. Altogether, they’re just growing too fast. My business is going very slow… Trying… I really want this to work. I think it will if I can get past my hurdles. Of course, money is still, always, forever an issue. But at least Jay and I don’t fight over it – we just don’t have any. I still don’t know if I’m going to be laid off. The sales process is still going on, and it’s just a mess. I have some health problems going right now which is the main reason I haven’t been posting. I’ve just been either too tired or too bitchy to do it. I’ve been to the doctor so we think we know what’s wrong. Basically for the last 6 months, I’ve been in perpetual PMS – major. In other words, I’ve had ALL the PMS symptoms straight for 6 months. Sore boobs, serious cramping, headaches, general meanness, terribly mad at everything, cryin at the top of a hat, bloating, my clothes don’t fit (although I haven’t gained any weight), VERY tired, etc. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought I was pregnant. There has also been a lot of cramping in my left side. And to top it all off, my period has a mind of it’s own. Example, the time between the last two = 2 weeks – but before that, 7 weeks in between. Sigh. And in addition to that, I’ve been hemmoragging in the period. Therefore, during the period, I throw up, get faint, bruise, and have a real mess to clean up. So… The doctor says I have a severe hormonal imbalance (gee, ya think?). So, she put me on hormones. I’m on this new thing called a nuvaring. It going up *there* for 4 weeks at a time. It’s the only thing we can try that won’t start the headaches again, and once the headaches start, they’re afraid I’ll have a stroke. So, we’ll see how this goes. In addition, I have an ultrasound on the 19th to make sure I don’t have fibroids. Yay. So that’s what’s going on with me. I’m here, I just feel like crap, which means I don’t feel like writing about it. Sigh. Thanks for sticking with me.

I want to write a journal entry – really I do! Everything is pretty much status quo around here. Still working on my business. I got my license! I’m legal! Still working on finding Jay a closer job. Going to Palm Springs this weekend. Not entirely sure how we’re paying for it, but there you go. Jay will be going to San Jose in a couple of weeks to work on measurements for his parents add-on, so he can do the drawings for it. And he’s taking Logan. Now, if I can pan off Joseph on my parents, I would have my house… To myself… BY MYSELF… For 2 1/2 days. Can’t you just feel the heady freeness of it??? But I know me. I would work, and clean, using my timer to switch myself. I’d probably still end up in bed at 10:45pm, and I’d still probably get up at 5:30am. Because my bladder will know it’s time to get up, and once I’m up, I’m up. No little people getting up out of bed 6 times a night (\”but I have to PPPPPPPPEEEEEEE\”). No walking around Jay and that stupid video game he is obsessed with at the moment (Romance of the Three Kingdoms if you must know – he’s taking over China – and I’m sooooo not linking to it). I could pick up the house – and have it stay that way, ALL DAY LONG. I can’t decided which weekend I’m looking more forward to. Palm Springs (husband and no kids) or San Jose (possible no kids and no husband). When you can honestly wonder whether you’d rather clean unencumbered than get a professional massage, you need a vacation. That’s all we’re up to. Terribly busy, but doing the same stuff over and over again.

Whew, have I been busy. I recently contracted with CyberSecretaries so I’ve been rather busy. Between work, the kids, Jay, trying to get my business started, and working with Jay to find a new job, church, family time, kids’ doctor appointments, and prep for our trip to Palm Springs later this month, I’ve been a little wiped out. And as busy as I’ve been, I’ve very little angst to get out, or new happenings to report. The night before last was pretty much torture. Logan had a terrible nigh of screaming and crying every ten minutes to the point he woke up Joseph, and I could hear him yelling at his brother to shut up. Joseph couldn’t sleep, so he ended up in bed with us. Logan wouldn’t stop, so he ended up in bed with us. I couldn’t sleep due to taking care of Logan. Work yesterday was sheer torture due to the sleep deprivation. I went hom early and took a 4 hour nap. Boy did I need it. I was seeing things by that point. I have no idea what was wrong with Logan. He was writhing around a lot, with funkyness emanating from his rear-end, so I’m thinking gas pains. It would explain the screaming. Last night we ALL slept like logs. Joseph had his 4-year doctor’s check-up. He was great. He’s up to 75th on his growth chart – pretty good for a premie! The doctor recommended seeing the school district about testing him for learning disabilities. He’s very smart, EXTREMELY articulate, but he refuses to do numbers, or letters, or color – and I don’t mean disinterest. I mean flat out saying, \”I hate it! Don’t make me! I don’t know how!!\”. So, we’ll have him tested and try to head off any problems at the pass in the hopes that it will help in school later on. He’ll be in Kindergarten for the 2005 – 2006 school year. I feel old. Speaking of old, I’m going silver. Down the center part. I’m good friends with the hair color aisle at the store. My business is going along. I have a lot to do, and I’m awaiting my business liscense. My business liscense. Wow that sounds official. No matter what, or how it takes off, I won’t be able to work from home full-time until Jay finds a job with medical benefits. We’re all on mine at the moment, and with Logan’s health problems, we just can’t afford not to be covered. To be honest, I feel quite trapped by this fact. I mean, I could be working from home, and be there for the kids, and I can’t. It’s very depressing, and I can only hope that will change in the future. Jay’s job search is going very slowly. I think because we’re now looking strictly local since he truly hates his current commute. So, the market we’re looking at is significantly smaller. Plus, he doesn’t wish to be involved in the engineering side, he wants to be in the architectural side, which further pares down the possibilities. He was contacted this morning by a headhunter, which is very positive, in my opinion. That’s about all she wrote around here. Busy, busy, busy.