I am not braindead today. Jay let me sleep in til 11am. This is highly unusual – usually once I get up to pee, that’s it, I’m up for good. But this morning when I did it – there were no small radar ears, so everyone stayed asleep and I went back to bed. Amazing. So, work. Work for the studio in general seems very cool. Generous holiday, vacation, and sick. Of course I can’t take part in those until I’ve been there for 4 months, but oh well. Good benefits too. Lots of perks and discounts. I also get a few more perks since I’m actually on the lot rather than in a business building somewhere. I have a Starbu*ks, Jamb*juice, and Ben & Jerr*’s a short walk right on the lot from my office. Very cool. Not to mention that I’ve seen a few TV personalities at lunch. My job in particular is very cool. The first week (last week) was good. The first day I had a day’s orientation which included a studio tour, in the rain, on a golf cart. Big time cold that. But I was glad for the tour because I have no sense of direction, and knew I was going to be working there – so I got the general layout. The rest of the week was on my actual job. The only drawback was that the temp was still there all week to train me, so I couldn’t claim my space. Or my computer since he spent the whole time checking his email, shopping, or on the phone on personal calls. Not to mention flaming gay with all that entails – yes I’m sterotyping because he fits all the sterotyping on TV – think Jack from Will and Grace, and you’ll see why I had a headache by the time I went home every night. And he decided not to clean out his personal effects until the last day, so I got to look at his boyfriend, Alfredo, every day. Anyway, the work itself is very challenging and I love my boss. It’ll take a little time for me not to be intimidated by her boss, the president. He’s has a very commanding presence and he’s physically big as well. I tend to be shy in those situations so we’ll see how it goes. I’m definitely looking forward to Monday, when it’s just me. And that’s it! However, I did do our money for the week (I do the bills and everything on a weekly basis since Jay and I both get paid every Friday). Get this. We’re still in debt, but as far as bills go we’re caught up. In addition, this week I paid some bills AHEAD of the due date! And last week, and this week, I was able to pay my mom for some things we owed her! Very cool. On our other debts I think I’m going to keep paying the minimum until I get my mom totally paid off, and then concentrate on paying other stuff totally off one by one. Once we get the debt paid off, and we are able to get on a savings plan for emergencies/vacations/Christmas, then we have some things we want to do around here. Like me going back on Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers, Jay going back to Tae Kwon Do, and getting cable/broadband and another computer. With the things that Jay and I are interested in, we just need to be online at the same time, and it’s not cool that we can’t. But that will all come in time when we can actually afford it realistically, without putting our future goals in jeopardy. So financially speaking things are really looking good. It’s been so long, that I’m really waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s going to take a long time I think. I think what will make me feel better is when we’re able to have an emergency nest egg for small things like car repairs, and for big things like lay-offs. Having homelessness in my background, I really need to feel financially secure or I have panic attacks and such. And it’s been a long time since we’ve been financially secure. A couple of years. And I don’t mean for the fun stuff. I mean like gas in the car. So, this is going to take a while for me to get used to it. I actually don’t get my first paycheck until next week, but I did get my last unemployment check this week, so it was like I got paid. This is actually how it’s supposed to be every week. Thank God.

I started my new job. I love it. I’m too exhausted by my first week, however, to go into detail yet. So, here’s my contribution to the New Year’s meme that’s been going around. 1. What did you do in 2004 that you’d never done before? Got laid off. 2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t even remember making any, and I’m not going to make any this year either. I’m terrible at keeping them, and I already know my general goals in life. And when I don’t keep them, I feel like an utter failure. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes. My friend Shannon – and I was there. 4. Did anyone close to you die? A family member did pass away, my great-great-uncle. We was 96. He wrote to us and I to him, but the latter years did a lot to his thoughts, so we were no longer close. 5. What countries did you visit? Countries? As in traveling? You’re kidding, right? 6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? A better handle on the financial situation. A better handle on health, nutrition, and personal wellness. A closer relationship with God. 7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I honestly can’t think of one particular date. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Surviving. 9. What was your biggest failure? The only thing I can think of that was a failure on my part and not a matter of circumstances was my quitting Weight Watchers after my hormone debacle. The hormones caused me to gain all my weight to come back, although I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time. So I quit thinking it wasn’t working. Now, I’ll need to try it again. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Ha. Ha ha. Yeah. This year I found out I have tendonities up one side of my wrist with arthritis down the other. I had severe bronchiolitis (as opposed to bronchitis). I had a stress fracture in my ankle and had to wear this weird air brace in my shoe. And then I ended up with a severe hormone imbalance which caused severe PMS all month long (I turned into a year-yound bitch in a heartbeat, and we couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me) as well as hemmoraghing during my monthlies, and having 2 week long monthlies. We corrected that problem with hormones in the form of a NuvaRing, but the dose was too low, and three different kinds of birth control pills as different dosages, with the concerns that my neurological migraines would come back with that therapy. They did, about 1 to 2 a week. Since they cause me to not be able to speak, read, drive, and sometimes see or chew (they’re neurological and cause malfunction in my motor skills) I knew I couldn’t go into a new job with that kind of regularity of them. So I quit them myself. The other possible therapy was hysterectomy (with hormones for the rest of my life – bad for migraines, or at least a double D & C (because of the two uteruses). However, I’m willing to risk it for now and see what happens. With the pills I was unable to function consistently which is unacceptable to me. I asked Jay if that was okay, since I might very well go hell-bitch on him again. He said he’s not worried about that, but if I start hemmoraghing again, then we’ll need to do something about it. Then of course there was Jay’s whole brain variance thing, the tests that went with that, and his resulting reaction to the medication that put him out of commission for a few weeks. It hasn’t been a great year healthwise. 11. What was the best thing you bought? Jay’s robe for Christmas from the kids. He’s been in it every night since then. And every morning. He loves snuggling in that thing. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don’t see much of that. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? The extreme democrats. 14. Where did most of your money go? Survival. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My new job. 16. What song will always remind you of 2004? That damn polaroid picture song. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? It was a terrible year. But this time last year Jay was on strike. That year was terrible too. Just don’t know. This year will be better. 18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Having patience with my kids. Taken more pictures of the kids. Everyone’s right. You doooo take less pictures after the second one’s around. 19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Getting worried over things I have no control of and not giving it up to God. 20. How will you spend Christmas? Null and void. 22. Did you fall in love in 2004? No more than I already was in love with my husband. And we’re still together after the last wretched two years. Our 7th anniversary is this April. And I’m still in love. 23. How many one-night stands? Do husband quickies count? 24. What was your favorite TV program? Actually, with the advent of NetFlix, I’ve really discovered many. Of course they’re all off the air now, but still. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No. 26. What was the best book you read? I read way too much to say. 27. What were your greatest musical discoveries? I don’t have time for that! I guess you could say though that I actually took the time to buy CD’s that I had in the past and loved and lost them. They’re comforting to listen to. 28. What did you want and get? My new job. A George Foreman Grill – the big one – to replace my last dead one. 29. What did you want and not get? Lost weight. A massage. 30. What was your favorite film of this year? Oh good Lord. Look people, the last two movies I went to were rated G for Joseph. Ha! 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 29. I cannot remember doing anything at all – this year has been such a blur. Good God that means I’m 30 in March of this year. 32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Less debt. Less job stress for both Jay and I. The car not dying. All this stuff really adds up over time. 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? Is it clean? Does it matter? 34. What kept you sane? Absolutely nothing. 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I just drool over many. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? The fact that as a republican, even with a republican president, my views are deemed politically incorrect by the masses, and therefore \”wrong.\” This causes me to not stand up and say what I think because I’m afraid of rejection, and that’s just plain stupid on my part. It makes me just avoid political discussion at all, except for making my vote heard in the voting booth, because inevetably (how do you spell that?) others aren’t interested in actually hearing your point of view – they just wait until you take a breath and then immediately tell you why you’re wrong, as opposed to sharing their ideas. It all just makes me so uncomfortable. 37. Who did you miss? Friends. No money and two kids makes visiting difficult. 38. Who was the best new person you met? Didn’t meet many people. 39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: This too shall pass. 40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: \”It’s the end of the world as we know it…\”

There isn’t much to say around here, as we’ve pretty much returned to the status quo. Jay is off tomorrow, and Alma is closed. So today is officially the last day I get alone in the house for a long time. I start work Monday. I start work Monday. Wow, I start a new job on Monday. Well, technically Monday is an all day orientation. I never received my paperwork that I had to fill out ahead of time, so I had to go pick it up yesterday. It will be all about benefits etc., and then a \”VIP studio tour\”. This is an especially good thing for me, since my job is directly on the lot. It’ll help me get familiar since it’s huge. For the other people who’ll be mostly in business buildings off the lot, it’ll just be fun. Tuesday, I start the actual job. I’m nervous and anxious and excited. This is the job I wanted. I really hope my first impression of my new boss was correct because in the interview I really got along with her, and she with me. I truly feel that’s why I got the job, because I know it came down to me and another lady. We’ll be able to pay bills. What a relief.

I got a new haircut. The jury’s out for now on this one, but all that damn hair is gone, which is a very good thing. I have very fine, curly hair, but there’s a hell of a lot of it. My new job starts on Monday – so I got my haircut and new clothes. I’ll also do my nails, and give myself a facial, shave, etc. Just makes you feel all new, you know? I wanted to do one of those month by month year in review things, but I don’t want to do that. In short for 2004: Jay was on strike for almost 8 months. Jay graduated. Jay got new job for what turned out to be an asshole. Jay quit. Jay got new job with great company. Jay had major health issues including a \”brain variance\” which was very scary and included CAT scans and lumbar punctures (spinal tap). He also threw out his back, knee, and had the stomach flu for Christmas. Joseph, it turns out, was not in the cantankerous toddler years. He’s just plain onnery as his personality. Joseph made strides in his absolute refulsal to do anything creative like coloring and actually participated. He’s still a loner, but growing and halthy. Logan has officially moved into the terrible twos – with a vengeance. He is, however, growing well, and no longer in the negative percentile in anything. This pleases his doctor to no end. He doesn’t need to see his cardiologist for six months. He is also a budding artist, and has completely confounded his babysitter when he did their holiday project better than any of the older kids – including kids in the 6th grade compared to his 2 1/2 years. As for me… I gained and lost weight. Had some major hormonal issues that had to be treated by, well, hormones. Lost my job. Took care of all of the above. I am so glad that it’s all over. For the next year I have some goals. These are not resolutions, as many will take all year to get started on etc. 1. Logan gets pottytrained. 2. Quit smoking. 3. Excerize. 4. Eat healthier. 5. Manage the money, and make a dent in our debt. That’s it.

Christmas, as far as gift exchanging goes, went so much better than I ever expected. The in-laws were here, along with Owen. And all the grandparents really spoiled the kids with all the stuff that would truly and seriously annoy the said parents for the next month – until said item disappears… \”Honey, I don’t know where it went to.\” Everthing was chaotic and annoying which was what I expected. I don’t do well in chaotic. It makes me very nervous and grouchy. But I can’t SHOW I’m nervous and grouchy, because I have to be perfect hostess woman. Enough said about that. But last night Owen (our nephew) and Jay got vomit-sick and Joseph got it in the other end. Logan was fine until today, then the other end hit him. Jay had to come home early from work (you know, the new job? Ggggreeeeeaaat.) because he got sick there too. So, it was all kinds of fun, and I got to do the whole laundry thing I just did for the kids stomach flu. Please God, don’t let me get sick. Orientation is Monday. No, seriously, don’t. Jay got me bathrugs, and it was with great joy we threw the old ones out. He also got me a super duper George Foreman Grill (with quesadilla maker!) as well as other nifty things. But that was really what I wanted big time. As for the kids… Let’s just say I’m going to have to clean out their room AND figure out more storage options – there is a Shrek fort currently taking up half of their room. Joseph was very happy about Santa and the whole thing. He even talked to Santa, which he has not been willing to do since his existence on this earth. I have a picture and the mommy in me is happy about that. Frankly, I’m just very relieved that the whole thing is over over over over. Of course, I still need to pack up the Christmas stuff, which I would like to this week before I start the new job. That starts on Monday. Oh and by the way – apparently everybody getting sick is my fault. I told you – my MIL was here this weekend.