Continued from 2 entries ago… The rest was a blur. We wanted the big church wedding, but we were met with a shocking resistance by our friends. They said we hadn’t known each other long enough, and therefore couldn’t condone the marriage. Ha! What was curious though, was that both sets of parents were all for it. They must have seen it in us – that something that no one else saw. In the end, the big church wedding was just too much with the budget my mom gave me and lack of willing participants. So, we eloped – with our parents. We each got to keep what we thought was important. For me, it was the formality. I wanted the dress, flowers, and the others to be dressed for the occasion it was. Jay’s request was that his parents be there. Almost 3 months to the day of our first date, we married in Lake Tahoe in a beautiful little chapel with candles. I had a beautiful, off the shoulder, ivory, pearl, and satin dress. A veil trimmed in pearls. A beatiful white & dark green bouquet that trailed little baby gardenias on ribbon. Jay was gorgeous in a tux with a stud collar instead of tie. His brother, best man, was in a regular tux, and Joelle, my maid of honor was in a nice dark green dress she picked so she would wear it again. Both moms got formal dark green dresses. Both dads bought dark green suits. I had bouquets made for all the ladies, and boutineers (sp?) made for all the men. It was just the 8 of us. Unfortunately, all I remember about the ceremony was that the pastor had a really big head, and that when I looked at Jay, he looked as if he was more sure of this than anything in his life. We had champagne & cake afterwards, and pictures. Our pictures are both in the chapel, and outside in the garden, with the lake and snowcapepd mountains behind us. We packed up, and Jay and I left to go back to San Jose for the night in our new apartment and then go to our honeymoon the next morning. Myles, Jay’s brother, decided he was coming with us of all things. I wanted to be alone with my new husband. My husband and I had never been together before, so I wanted this time to be alone. Anyway, we dropped him off at his house and hightailed it home. The rest, as they say, is history. We were told by everyone who knew us it wouldn’t last. In April, it will have been 8 years. And we’re happy. We seem to have lots of trials and tribulations, but we’re solid, still in love. We did this for forever – we took the vows seriously. I love my husband, and he loves me. While our marriage came about in an unconventional way, I can’t see what life would be without him.

I’m going to pause in my story about how Jay and I met. My weekend in a nutshell: 1. Logan got a cold and kept us up til 3am. 2. Bandit is worse, not better. Vet today = more money. 3. Joseph has spots that look suspiciously like chicken pox. No school & doctor today. 4. I found out my biological mother (who raised me til 4 years old, so I remember her) is dying. I don’t know how to feel, so I’m not feeling right now. So, I just can’t write a real entry. My brain has shut down. It sometimes does that as a defense mechanism. Hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow. Update: And then Logan came home with a bite on his face from another child. The attack was so vicious and unprovoked (the babysitter was sitting right there – thought the girl was going in for a kiss) that she kicked the girl and her brother out of her program. Our babysitter (a professional with government grants etc) started crying when she told Jay what happened. We’ve been there 3 years, so we know Alma. We know that if she says it was unprovoked, it was unprovoked. It’s a nasty thing that broke the skin, bruised, and swollen like a chipmunk. Poor thing. I’d like to show that little Mia a thing or two. And the truly sad thing is – Logan thought she was going to kiss him too. All puckered up, and then gets bit. Way to show my son the ropes Mia. I was hoping I’d have a few years before his heart got broke.

Continued from last entry… I didn’t know who the guy was, but that moment in time, that moment where we matched eyes, I just knew him in my heart way deep down. I’ve never experienced anything like that before. After that I glimpsed him every once in a while at church. The quarter started for school. My first class, I was late, as I had trouble finding the class. I sat in the back. I saw a few rows up was that guy. I kept watching the back of his head. Then throughout the next couple weeks, I noticed he was in every single class of mine. What was interesting was none of those classes were supposed to be my classes. All my classes were either cancelled or full. I started talking to the guy, Jay, in class about class things only. The first time we spoke in class though – he came in and put a 2 liter of Mountain Dew on the table in front of him, and I pulled out Sierra Mist. We both needed the caffeine due to our jobs. He winked at me. Then we started up small groups for discussions of the classes, and I finagled my way into his. That’s when I learned his name. His dad was also in the classes with us, and in our small group. One night, we had a break, and he went outside. I followed under the pretext of going to the bathroom. I can even tell you what I was wearing the memory is so clear. I went to the bathroom, and came out, and he was over on the balcony looking out. I went over there, and just stood. I didn’t say anything. He asked me, \”Water, forrest or mountain?\” I said, \”Huh?\” Yes, quite the eloquent response. \”If you could live anywhere, would it be the water, forrest, or mountains?\” I said, \”I don’t know.\” \”That’s not an acceptable answer.\” So, I said, \”If I could live with all three, that’d be best.\” The was the only conversation not about class we had. He later told me about those days that there was another girl in class the first day he really had is eye on. Myseteriously though, she never came back to class. And then he started having his eye on my during our small groups. He honestly was attracted to my intelligence during class. I’m about as opposite of his \”type\” as can be. He like ’em hispanic/polynesian, long dark hair and petite. Ha! I’m taller than average, white as can be, with reddish, blondish, brownish hair. But he said he loved the way I thought, and the way I presented what was going on in my head. That night on the balcony, he’d gone outside in hopes I’d follow. Superbowl Sunday. I went to morning services, and he was there. I sat two rows behind him in the balcony. He was sitting with his brother. I tried to say \”Hi\” after services, but I just couldn’t. I hightailed it after. I found out during the day the college/singles group was putting together a paintball excursion. My living there put me in proximity of the set up person, so I began to hatch my plan of us being on the same team. As I think back – so high school. It came time for evening services. I decided to go anyway, even though I’d been that morning, just so I could see if he was there. Not the best reason to go to church, but it’s the truth. I was wearing what I had worn earlier, black skirt, tights, nice shoes, nice conservative flowered blouse. I walked into the sanctuary, and it was really empty – Superbowl. And there he was. By himself. I took a deep breath, and asked if I could sit next to him. \”Not a problem.\” After, he asked if I wanted to have a cup of coffee or something. I let him know I couldn’t, I was opening and running the coffee counter we had for the guy who normally does it. Did he want to come with me? As we were walking there, I ran into the only other guy who knew how to run the shop, and he was willing to do that. I handed over the key, and asked Jay if we could run back to the dorms so I could change. We did. I changed into my big jeans, sketchers, and sweatshirt, and he told me later, he knew then he could hang out with me… He was wearing the same thing. We left and went to a bus stop off of campus, since we both smoked, and that’s prohibited on campus. We started talking. And talking and talking and talking. I think I went back to the dorm at 2am. We parted, and he said he’d bring his drawings and show them to me at the Monday night group (college/singles group). The next day, I thought, after everything I’d been through, I was just imagining the attraction to each other – thinking it was just one sided. I went to the group on Monday night. He was there, a little late, which made me nervous, but he was there, and asked me to sit with him. I did. He showed me his drawings and we went and got something to eat. That night, I think we talked until about 2am, again. We hugged when he left. He came back the next night, just to see me – no pretext of anything else needed to do. He wanted to ask me something – I thought he was finally going to ask for my phone number. Nope, he wanted to know if I wanted to go to the Valentine’s night dinner the church was having. I said yes, of course. Later that night, we were in his mom’s car, just talking. We were quiet for a while and he asked, \”What would you do if I kissed you?\” \”I suppose I’d have to kiss you back.\” \”Good answer.\” And he kissed me. I think we talked until 3am that night. The next night, we went back to \”Our\” bus stop. He seemed very nervous. So I thought maybe he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. He wrote in the condensation on the bus stop window – I (heart) U. I told him I loved him too. As crazy as it was, after three days, I loved him with all my heart. The next words out of his mouth were, \”Will you do me the honor of being my wife.\” There were some other things too, but that’s what stuck. I sat there with my mouth hanging open, so he said, \”Will you marry me?\” I sort of jumped in his lap and started kissing him all over his face saying, \”yes\” over and over again. He counted. 16. Then I calmed down. In light of the last time this happened to me, I asked him when? He said, \”As soon as possible.\” That’s when I knew for sure. To be continued…

I’m gonna take a clue from Carrie, and tell the story (it may take a few entries) of how Jay and I met. Quickly through the awful back story of how I got to that point in my life… I was abandoned as a child, and my great-aunt and uncle took me in (they are now my parents). I was a child of abuse, which has it’s own issues. I was a very smart child, and the schools wanted to put me into the gifted program, but my parents decided against it, deciding I had already had enough upheaval in my life, and I should just be \”normal.\” I was never normal. But I was a very good girl. This went on all the way through school. Excellent grades, band geek, etc. I graduated and moved on to community college, as my parents couldn’t afford anything else, and I didn’t want the loans hanging over my head. In college is when the shit hit the proverbial fan. Through high school, and then in college, I went out with Chris. I was 2 years older than him. We started going out when I was a junior and he was a freshman. We went out (with a few hiccups along the way) for 5 years, including our high school time and our college time. On my 21st birthday, we went to San Diego, by ourselves for the weekend for a little trip. When I was opening my presents, he proposed. I said yes, and was ecstatic. But, he wouldn’t set a date. Unbeknownst to us at the time, we conceived that night. Later, when we found out, he told me to have an abortion or we were through. I had allowed my identity to be so wrapped into his, the thought of breaking up made me unable to breathe. So, I did. I was able to pretend it didn’t happen, until 6 months later, when he broke up with me for the girl he was having an affair with. He’s married to her now, and has a baby boy, by the way. That’s when I had the break down. I don’t know if technically that’s what happened, but in retrospect I think so. I went into a terrible depression for about 3 months, where I only left the house when I had to. That’s when I discovered online chatting. Which led me to one torrid little affair, which led me to raving. When I got into raving, about 10 years ago, it really WAS underground. You couldn’t buy glitter at the drugstore for goodness sake. You had to know someone. Anyway, when I discovered raving, I suddenly found a family. Whenever I went into a rave, everyone was very accepting and loving, hugs were bountiful. I didn’t have to worry about guys groping me. I could dance all by myself, and nobody looked at me funny. That’s when I got into drugs. I met many people – too many experiences to recount here. Suffice it to say, I became a drug dealer (I should say drug sharer since I never made any money), an event promoter, and had my own afterhours club. I was VERY much part of the scene. My boyfriend at the time was a drug dealer, who broke up with me and started going out with Joelle. I met her when I warned her that might not be the best idea for her. She’s still one of my best friends. Things came to a head when I had some drug dealer coming after me. It wasn’t me he was after, but Eric, the ex (we were still good friends), but he went after Eric, he couldn’t pay. So this guy’s MO was to go after someone close instead. I called my parents and asked to go home. They said yes. My brother (the one who recently died, Robert) took one look at me and asked my mom what the hell was going on. My mom told him – she really only knows about 2% of the story, and we’ll just leave it that way I think. He asked me what my plan was. Eric’s father was a pastor in the UK, and had pulled some strings here, and Eric was living in a church in San Jose. Since I didn’t know what else to do, I told Robert I would probably head on up there. I was into the whole scene, Hollywood, L.A., Orange County… I knew it would be better to just leave. Well, Robert said to pack up my stuff and come home with him. He lived in Moss Beach, just on the other side of the hill from San Jose. I said yes. I packed his truck with all my earthly belongings, had $100 in my pocket and left, not sure what would happen. Robert lived in a warehouse that he owned. I slept on paint scaffolding for 2 weeks. I lived on top ramen and potato chips (remember that $100?). I called Eric and he was livid I’d followed him. I quite simply asked him, where was I to go? After the life he very adeptly led me into? Did he have any suggestions? Joelle, who was visiting, came and got me for a visit/planning session. I was at the church dorm, and they let me stay on the girls side for a couple nights – and take a shower. When Joelle took me back, I had two bags of groceries with me. I realized I wanted to go back to that church. One of the girls that lived there, a flight attendant, came out to get me, and I’ll be forever grateful to her. She wasn’t in my life long, but was instrumental in my life getting on track. Eric was there, which in retrospect wasn’t a good thing. He eventually left to go to back to the UK. That, I think is where my life turned around. Eric, told me something once… He said, \”M, nobody ever sees you, because you’re always hiding behind me.\” He was right. After he went back to the UK, I never saw him again. He and Joelle eventually broke up. She and I remained friends. I remained at the church, not knowing what else to do or where my life was headed. I took things one step at a time. I gave my life to Christ. I also gave up on men. I had had so many awful experiences with them. I won’t go into the stories now, but at that point, I had been abused as a child, raped 3 times as an adult, and been addicted to meth for 2 years. I found Christ, and swore of men. Not as a potential nun, or celibacy or anything – simply because I didn’t think men were good for me or to me. I didn’t know what else to do with my life, but I had to take steps. So I enrolled in the bible college, got a job at the local drugstore, and started saving to move to Ireland, to help implant a new church they were building there. I volunteered at the church for my keep, cleaned bathrooms and such, and worked in the church bookstore. One day in the bookstore, I was on the floor behind the counter playing with the manager’s baby. Someone came up to the counter, and was buying a book on Acts. Deanna, the manager, was checking him out, and I happened to look up. I made eye contact with the guy, and something incredibly happened in my heart. There was an almost audible click in my head. We stared at each other. Deanna finished checking him out, he said thank you, and left. I told Deanna, \”That is the man I’m going to marry.\” To be continued…

Wow. Can’t believe three days in a row has happened. I’m writing regularly. I usually don’t write about work here. But today I am because I am befuddled. I work in music at a major studio. Basically we put the scores in films. My widdle portion of that entails a whole messload of stuff, but in this particular situation I have to get a composer’s assistant to another country. Which I can’t do yet, although the reservations are in place, because the budget money hasn’t been approved for spending. So this idiot just wrote to let me know he doesn’t have his passport, and needs a travel receipt (proof of travel) in order to get it on time. This composer travels all over the world, and don’t you think his assistant would have passport?? This whole situation with Bandit in the bathroom til his back heals is getting REALLY annoying. There’s litter everywhere, from his digging, it’s just a shambles, and the crying cat, kids in potty training going potty, the other cat who wants his buddy, and me dripping wet, trying to get a towel this morning, just put me over the edge. At least Jay’s doing the medication. Christmas party for my department is tonight – no spouses allowed due to budget restraints. Our president then said that he may wish to continue the party somewhere else, and some people may wish to follow him… I already told Jay I’d be late coming home. After this month, a drink amongst us will be just what the doctor ordered. Since I *may* get some new readers through their explorations of Holidailies, anyone out there have any questions for me?