
Ms. Maddie
The background here has been purpleized. So has my twitter background. It will remain that way for the rest of April. In honor of Maddie.
Today… I’ll be making my way to a chapel where a mom and dad say goodbye to their little girl. There are no words. Not because I can’t express them, but because there simply aren’t any. There is no turn of phrase or sentence to encompass what the loss of a child is.
So. I’ll go. I’ll wear purple. I’ll lend my presence in support of these parents. I’ll say goodbye to a little girl that I never met, but who’s eyes have enchanted me for the last year. I’ll say I’m sorry to her mother, who I work with. I’ll cry. I’ll mean it. I’ll be there for the little girl’s mom in the coming year.
Goodbye Maddie. You are loved. You are missed.
Him and Me
I wanted to write something light hearted after that last post. Luckilly Dooce has a meme.
What are your middle names?
Mine is Kee, a family name. His is Joseph.
How long have you been together?
Our 11th anniversary is coming up in April. And that’s just about how long we’ve been together considering he asked me to marry him in three days, and we were married three months later.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
A month. We were in class together.
Who asked whom out?
Well – I guess me. I asked to sit next to him in Church. Three days later we were engaged.
How old are each of you?
I’ll be 34 next month. He’s 32 – 33 in September.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Neither really. Enter long convoluted family history here.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Money is one. I’m a saver, he’s a spender. We don’t have a lot of it, now that I’m home, and I have some history things that lead to a level of insecurity when it comes to funds. As in I’ve been homeless and never want to go through that again. Although we’ve been through all kinds of things. Addictions, and deaths, and miscarriages… It’s all hard.
Did you go to the same school?
Yes, briefly.
Are you from the same home town?
Nope. I was born in Hollywood, he was born in San Jose.
Who is smarter?
I want to remain married, thank you.
Who is the most sensitive?
Heh. Me. Most definitely me.
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We don’t.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
The Mexican Riviera on our Honeymoon. Not that we saw much of it.
Who has the craziest exes?
We are very even on that score. Although he was once engaged to two women at once, so one could argue that HE is the crazy ex.
Who has the worst temper?
Me. Definitely me.
Who does the cooking?
Me. Poe nukes things great. And I believe Kraft mac n’ cheese, scrambled eggs, and burritos are on his list.
Who is the neat-freak?
Freak is such a STRONG word. Let’s just say we have different definitions of “cleaned up.”
Who is more stubborn?
Oooooo. Huh. Let’s just say it’s lucky we agree on a lot.
Who hogs the bed?
Neither of us hogs the bed, but MAN can he steal the covers.
Who wakes up earlier?
Him. He gets up at 4:30am for work. Which, unfortunately for him, spills into the weekends. Which means I get to sleep in. heh.
Where was your first date?
The parking lot of our church where we talked for 4 hours.
Who is more jealous?
Me. I think. Maybe he just broods silently.
How long did it take to get serious?
3 days.
Who eats more?
Me. Absolutely. It’s amazing to watch him subsist on air, really.
Who does the laundry?
Me.
Who’s better with the computer?
Well – he’s a CADD engineer. But I set up his computer, do his virus checks etc.
Who drives when you are together?
That’s a toss up as to who’s willing to bite their tongue more. I consider driving with him an endurance test. Will we survive? He considers driving with me a lesson in patience.
Crazy Making
So. I leave for Blissdom tomorrow. I don’t arrive until 11:30pm. I awoke with a headache today. I still need to write up itineraries for my father and husband so neither one of them loses a child along the way. I still need to get my haircut, nails done, and pack. I need to check out my laptop (it’s not my main computer) to make sure everything’s running fine. Not to mention make a costume for my son’s play, which I’m missing, on Friday.
Oh – if you want to meet up or just want to be able to get a hold of me, dm me or email me for my cell number.
BREATHE.
Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine.
P.S. Joseph made the baseball team!
Connections
When I started writing online, it was 1995. The world wide web was still getting it’s feet wet in terms of making connections. There were some new people putting their Online Diaries up. I don’t even remember who the first one I stumbled upon was. Possibly Kymm in her Sweet as a Biscuit years. She’s the one I remember from those days anyway. I’ve always written a journal. From as young as I can remember with those little diaries with a tiny space per day. And a lock.
And so, I started to write. I was KeeArgo on AOL. A frequenter on the chatrooms – on my 14.4 modem – the height of technology at the time. With your membership, you got some server space. So I learned basic html (the only code language at the time). I painstakingly coded every single page, and uploaded them one at a time. Don’t forget to update the archives, back, and next links too! It was a time consuming, tedious, detail oriented process. Blogs didn’t exist – and there wasn’t any software to help until HotDog as I recall.
There wasn’t a “community” per se. There weren’t comments. Perhaps you could email the person your reactions if they put their email address up. In fact, my one and only troll was during those days – I did put my email on my page, and I was informed by one reader that I should be sterilized so I couldn’t pass my immoral tattooed genes on to any offspring. That was… fun. I wonder if he knows I passed my genes on in subsequent years.
Eventually, of course, the online diaries took off… There were discussions about what constituted a “diary” versus a “journal.” And then technology started advancing – and there were “blogs” or “weblogs” which came under the “journaling” not “diary” heading. In fact there was a lot of discussion that “blogs” weren’t really valid to begin with. Where’s the prose? Where’s the actual writing? Of course, we know how that whole debate reconciled itself.
As time went on, we all found each other, of course. It’s what us humans do – we connect.
So, what are the benefits of connection for me? In the simplest terms – I’m not alone. I’m not the only one out there putting myself up for everyone to see. I’m not the only woman who feels the way I do, or struggles as I do. I’m not the only mother struggling with this issue or that. I’m not the only wife who wonders if my husband really did spawn on another planet. I’m not the only one who questions her spirituality, sanity, or validity. I am not alone. That, in and of itself, eases burdens. And then – the ability to share with others, to commiserate with others, to help others bear their responsibilities. To debate, and argue, and laugh, and cry.
In society today, I feel very isolated. Even if I’m out and about in my day – every one is so busy, so harried, it’s hard to connect with them. At least not until 10pm at night and you take a moment to breathe and stop and look around. But with the community around me online – I can be with people and make that connection I so need. This is the most important benefit I’ve received.
Other benefits, of course, include going to events such as BlogHer and Blissdom and making that in-person connection. Getting paid to blog in various parts of the innernets. Getting to share wisdom and research that might help others. Starting my online business, Vineyard Virtual Services for goodness sakes. I don’t think that it would have been feasible had blogging not been something we could market and reach people with. It’s what’s going to allow me to stay home with my family.
The benefit, in summary, is being involved in something tangible that’s bigger than us individually.
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