So, yeah. We were outta commission on the blog due to malware, and that’s fixed. But we were also outta commission because because of dealing with family stuff. So let’s do a general update on the last 6 months shall we?
All the Death. My mom died June 16th. I wrote about that. In terms of the logistics and practicalities after a death, that part was easy. I saw more clearly than my father did that the end would come sooner than later, and so I pushed for him to be prepared. My mom had some extremely unusual health conditions all her life. She was even written up in medical journals at one point due to an extremely rare (for the time) surgery she had on her heart. As a result, she wanted to be donated to science. I was able to find a reputable organization that did that, and made all the pre-arrangements for that. In case you’re curious, they take a complete health history, and then match the person to various studies that their donation will be appropriate for. Then, when your loved one has passed, you call them instead of your local mortuary. They make arrangements with a local mortuary for transportation. They speak with whomever your official “declare” person is. In our case, it was a hospice worker. Then the mortuary comes and takes your person to the science center. They do their tests and studies, and then about 8 weeks later, they cremate your loved one and return their ashes, along with a summary of the studies they were a part of, and what good those studies are for, so that you know what their contribution did. It’s only a summary though – getting details, apparently, is a security thing for the studies (there are rules about releasing details of studies currently in process). In her case, my mom was totally and completely against having a funeral. She hated them, and didn’t want one, and so we honored her wish. That was difficult for the kids. So, when the anniversary comes around, I’m going to arrange for a tree-planting or a bench or something that’s tangible for the kids.
The details were fairly easy, because my parents had a trust, so everything just converted to my father. The only person she actually left anything to had passed (my brother who died several years ago). No, she didn’t leave any items to me. I’m not sure why. I’m not bitter about that, just… confused. I’ve been helping my father with other details… Changing names on the accounts and such.
6 weeks later, my aunt died. She lived in Las Vegas. She didn’t have a “real” will, but she had an unprocessed one so we tried to do what she wanted as far as we could. She didn’t have any assets, so we didn’t have to go into probate. My parents owned her house (she rented from them). So I had to handle ALL THE PAPERWORK for her death. Her bank accounts, her utilities. Her friends for the most part were absolute vultures, and I was so disappointed in their display of the lack of humanity. I’m still dealing with medical bill folks who don’t understand that A) She is dead and B) She didn’t have an estate. Somehow we were able to sell her house in literally 2 weeks. Which meant a whirlwind round trip out of state for our family to clear out her house. And we then had a 3 vehicle (I drove the 20′ truck) caravan to move her stuff out of the house back home. That was fun. (/sarcasm.)
4 weeks later, my mother’s ex-husband died. They had no contact, so this shouldn’t have been a “thing” except that she was still beneficiary on a military life insurance policy. So not only did we not get the money (because she died first), I had to jump through hoops to prove that mom was dead, and so was their son, for absolutely no benefit to us. Yay government.
1 week later, one of my mom’s best friends died.
So – essentially the summer sucked ass.
Joseph eventually totally lost it. He was injured in summer school, then all the death above, lost his therapist, got a new one, lost a psychiatrist, got a new one, lost the new one, and got ANOTHER one. It was too much. He was arrested (There’s a whole story there I simply don’t have the energy for), another 72 hour hold, court… It all sucked. But we finally came out of that with a definitive diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Between the hormones of puberty (which hit like a ton of bricks), and one of his meds stopped working, led to a bunch of triggers, which led to a definitive diagnosis. That led to changes in meds and therapy. Since the end of December though… He’s changed. Either something clicked in his head, or we finally have the right triangle going with meds/therapy, or all of the above… He’s doing really well. I actually got a call from school (which of course makes me hold my breath) but it was a “What happened to your son?” in a good way. They were concerned by the drastic turn-around, which they’ve never seen before. Did we change something at home? No. I WISH I knew what the magic bullet was, so we could continue doing THAT, but I don’t know, and he’s not saying. So, he’s in a really good place mentally. Not so much physically… His thyroid is basically stopping in functionality, and that has nothing to do with his current meds. So… we’re in the process of trying to correct that and the testing process to see if it’s working etc. We’re probably going to sign him up for football next month. Community, not school – his special school doesn’t have sports teams. He needs the physical outlet, and he also needs the structure, and teamwork all that entails. Plus, with his thyroid not functioning properly, and one of his meds lending itself to obesity and diabetes, he needs more than PE to keep healthy.
Logan is… Logan. He ran/walked a 5K. For fun. He recently went to PA for a week with his 5th grade class as part of their American History. He’s easily amused, understands his limitations, tries to work around them, all with a smile on his face.
Poe may be losing his job fairly soon. The location he currently works at is closing and coming under new ownership, which will not use the company he works with as a vendor. Once the transition happens, his company said they’d transfer him, but I don’t trust them, so we’ll see how this goes.
And me. I think I’m finally okay. My mother’s death hit me pretty hard. Harder than I anticipated. I’ve known we were on borrowed time for years, and knew then end was coming. I was prepared for that. Plus, essentially I’d lost her quite a while ago to Alzheimer’s. So, I thought I was prepared. So when the grief hit so hard, it was confusing. And then I had to deal with all the paperwork, government crap, paperwork, and details, and bureaucracy, and red tape with all the deaths, that I didn’t get to grieve. I had to go straight into robot mode. I had all these grieving people to help through the process, all the administrative stuff, the court and hospital stuff for Joseph… It was all too much, and I just shut down. Left right left right. Make this call. Send this form. Not lose clients. Rinse, repeat. For months. I’m finally, finally out of the fog of that. I couldn’t write about any of it since someone decided to hack my site.
But that’s the update. And I’m back.