I don’t believe in luck. I just don’t. I don’t know if it’s because of my Christianity, or if I believe in Karma or what.

But I can say this… We’re very unlucky. Amazingly so. Us, and everyone around us it seems. The only thing sometimes that seems “right” is Poe and I, and our kids. That’s it. We’ve been married 8 years. In that 8 years:

Everyone of our friends decided we shouldn’t get married and therefore no need to support us. We eloped.
We barely found an apartment. We finally landed one 2 weeks before the wedding. Lucky?
It was FILLED with fleas. We had to move back out to bomb. The day before the wedding.
Lost our first baby a little over a year after being married.
Which is when my relationship with MIL went south.
My body wouldn’t release said baby – had to have surgery.
Got pregnant with Joseph unexpectedly right away. Unexpected as it took us over a year to conceive our first baby (I named her Faith in my head). Lucky?
Horrible pregnancy and horrible birth to the point that I told Poe there would be no more children unless we found a different way for me to handle pregnancy.
Poe’s grandfather almost dies.
Poe’s brother almost dies.
We have money troubles to the extent that I had to call in sick to work. You see, we literally had $2. It wasn’t enough to give us enough gas to and from work, nor enough for both of us for bus fare there and back. This prompted a charity drive at work for me. Humiliating? Lucky? Unlucky?
Money troubles get to the point that we move in with in-laws. Kindness on their part? Our relationship has never recovered.
We moved down here for cheaper rent. Lucky? Still can’t make it and I have to go back to work when Logan is 5 months old. We found midwives for his birth. Lucky. Conceived 3 months after we moved down here – unlucky? We thought it would take us WAY longer.
House we move into is – um – interesting. Half of it is lower than the other half. We have to time which electronic appliances we use at one time. (DON’T use the microwave if the kids AC is on! – Trust me)
Poe goes on strike. Nice. 8 Months. Lose all of our savings, and then go into 35K worth of debt to educate him in another field.
Still recovering from that over 2 years later.
Still owe the student loan debt.
Poe is still barely above entry level salary.
In the midst of this add car repairs, and car replacements – including more than 50 miles in towing. A car that NO ONE can figure out what’s wrong with.
And in the midst we dealt with Poe’s brain varience, Joseph’s major learning disabilities, protection of his rights, and Logan’s heart.

I don’t believe in luck. I don’t. But I really don’t know what else to call it. I mean, shouldn’t it ebb and flow? Good with the bad? Because the only good I see is that I have a good relationship with my husband. While that’s wonderful, and we’re blessed in that respect, shouldn’t there be more good things than that? I mean in 8 years, shouldn’t something (other than our children) truly great have happened? Finding the perfect house? Finding the perfect job? Me being able to be a SAHM? Our business booming? Anything? Bueller?

So – for someone who doesn’t believe in luck, we sure have a lot of bad luck.

Okay – that’s it. I’m boring!! I look at what other’s are writing, and I’m just downright, vanilla, yawn, sleepy, boring.

I’m sorry for that.

I had such plans for today and tonight. I was going to be witty, funny, charming – I was going to wow you with my content.

And? Not so much.

My Blog Explosion radio just stopped working. Who knows how to fix that?

I’m scrounging through Ladies Home Journal to see if I find anything so fascinating I want to write on.

It’s 8:30 and I’m already tired. This does NOT bode well for the remainder of the night.

Feel free to smack me and tell me to stop whining. Really.

I won game 12!! So that’s $5 more sponsored for Fisher House!

I hope this doesn’t mean I can’t play in the rest of the (reindeer) games… I mean those things are helping me write! Write actual content!

What I most strive for in life right now is balance. There are so many things pulling at me, wanting me, calling me, depending on me. There are so many things I want to do. The elusive things are peace and balance. Money, health, employment, nonemployment, issues upon issues opon issues.

I don’t think you can balance all of that without trying to find a measure of peace.

Balance and peace is what I strive for. As much as anyone else. I wish some people in my life could see how lonely I am without it.