Dear Mr. Executive Guy,
I understand that you’re the head honcho person for legal affairs. Not my boss, but up there. I get that. I get that you wear suits, have a nice home, the perfect kids & wife, and a 6 digit salary. I have a couple things to tell you.
1. You are one of two men in our suite. Out of 7. Us women outnumber you. Including your assistant. it behooves you to make us happy.
2. We only have one coed bathroom. We all share. Please be cognizant of this fact.
3. Please lock the door while you’re in there. When the lock says, “Vacant,” I’m liable to come in there. I just don’t need the visual, dude. We already shared THAT little experience, why do you want to relive it?
4. Why or why or why will you NOT put the seat down? Please see number 1.
5. When you do your little shakey shakey? Do it OVER the toilet. I must sit to pee, and it would be wonderful to stop trailing my pant legs in your piss, since you do this on the floor.
6. I understand farting while peeing. It’s natural, and certainly the proper place to do it at work. But PLEASE use one of the four air fresheners on the counter after. It’s just not fair for me to walk into the cloud when you leave the bathroom.
Sincerely,
Your female grossed out coworker.
Call OSHA!!!
If I had to share a bathroom with my mail co-workers, I’d be outta there fast. You are one brave woman.