Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

where i stand

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I’ve flunked holidailies that’s for sure.

So. I went to the cardiologist and he got me a stress echo. And my heart is apparently fine. Which, technically, is a good thing. Except that I still have all my symptoms, and my lungs & heart are fine. I still have to get my white blood cell count checked again. But after that I don’t know.

My mom and boss both think it’s stress. Except that I don’t know what to do about it if it is. ‘Cause that’s not going to get better. I don’t think.

I don’t know. I’m just confused and exhausted and no closer to a solution.

I’m sorry.

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You guys – I’m sorry – I just cannot update regularly right now. I haven’t got the energy to actually do the things I HAVE to do. So, until we get my health issues under control, please note my entries will continue to be sporadic.

As an update on me:

Clear chest x-ray (good)
Cholestrol normal (good)
“good” cholesterol low (bad – but nothing I can really do about that except watch my “bad” cholesterol)
White blood cell count high (bad)

Cardiologist next week.

Check out these symptoms…
Achy chest pains intermittent, and down the back of my left arm – when I say intermittent I mean on and off all day every day, usually mild but there.
Steadilly gaining weight through the last 2 months, but haven’t changed my eating habits
Fatigue I’ve never felt before outside doing something like water rafting – and that’s after a day at my desk job (which is light in stress due to the time of year).
Intermittent fever/chills
Daily headaches
Intermittent nausea
Just feel “wrong”

Massive heartburn many times a day regardless of meals or mealtimes was diagnosed as reflux, and I’m on daily medication for that and it’s helped SO MUCH.

I haven’t had to use the nitro but for twice. But I have it with me at all times just in case.

I just want to feel better.

Ok so I blew it.

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OK so I blew the holidailies. But I really do have an excuse. I had a migraine that started the night before last. All. Night. And I still have the residue headache. So that’s now full day – although it’s now manageable with Excedrin. Thank God.

Some miscelania… We have a tradition in our family for Christmas. On Christmas I bake a birthday cake for Jesus, and that’s dessert. Well, Logan is really getting into the magic of it all at 4. I explained the birthday cake to them last night. Logan thought about it. Then asked, “Are we just gonna throw it up to him?” With hand gestures and all. I couldn’t help but laugh at the picture he made of throwing the cake into heaven so Jesus could have it. I love kids who love Christmas.

Back at work

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OK, I’m back at work. This week still sucks work wise, as I’m afraid I’ll have to use the nitro. I used it yesterday and wow. Talk about a headrush. I will not be using it while I drive, thank-you-very-much. So there’s an IEP meeting today for Joseph. School play on Friday for Joseph. Christmas party for work on Saturday. I also have to figure how when/where to have a fasting blood test, as well as a chest xray. Next week on a Wednesday morning I have my follow up doctors appoitnment.

People always say that your health is more important. Well – yeah that’s true. But so is supporting my family and keeping the health insurance in place for Logan’s heart stuff (and apprently my own now). It’s a balancing juggling act. I feel like I’m dropping all the balls.

In better news, my mom is home. She got home last night. She has oxygen, but is bitching at my dad about everything which is a good sign.

An Update

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First of all, thank you to those who commented or emailed in regards to my mother. It’s appreciated. She may be coming home today. They’re optomistic. We’ll see.

As for me. Well, I had my doctor’s appointment today. My symptoms are weird and fall into a gray area. I have some but not all of the symptoms of angina. [Side note: is it pronounced ang-eye-na or an-gin-a?] Enough that it warranted an EKG this morning. And the EKG results were in a gray area too. Not “great – no problems” – more of a hmmmmm reaction from my doctor. So, I’m going to be having a chest xray and fast blood tests. In addition, he’s decided to treat both possibilities. Real chest pain? Nitro. Maybe just really severe heartburn/reflux? Omeprazole to suppress stomach acid. We’ll see what happens and I go in again next week.

I called my boss when I was waiting for my prescriptions (mom usually does those kinds of errands for me, and well – that can’t happen). I wanted her to know that I was going to be a little later than anticipated, and what was going on, and she told me to stay home. And she knows me too well. “And do NOT feel guilty!”

I’m kind of tired of the curveballs, you know?

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