Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

PMS can bite me

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You know, I’m annoyed. I’m annoyed with my kids, husband, house, everything!! I’m annoyed with work, and my sister, and my body.

You know what that means… The bitch is back. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, that version of me that my husband says, “Yes Maam,” too is BACK.

What he doesn’t understand is, I hate being this way. I KNOW I’m annoying. I KNOW I’m bitchy. I KNOW I cry at the drop of a hat for nothing. I don’t mean to. I certainly don’t want to.

For all the men out there, here’s what PMS feels like…

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husband worries

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I want to write, I’m just too exhausted to make much sense.

Jay’s having troubles. Panic attacks and the like. And the medication pretty much made him way to high. And we fought. We’re both recovering addicts. 8 1/2 years sober, but I worry. We never FIGHT fight. We may disagree (usually when I get annoyed, and he antagonizes me for fun), but we rarely fight.

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hapiness is…

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I’m so happpy! I don’t know why, but it could be :

  • Finding Stacey
  • St. John’s Wort I’m newly taking
  • Newly renewed relationship with God
  • Newly renewed Bible study
  • Joseph’s suddenly “getting” some things at school

I just find myself smiling for no reason. It’s such a calm good feeling.

a better depression…

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So. I think I’m depressed. I go through bouts of it fairly often. It starts first with incredible stress. Check. Then it moves on to a desire to hide. Check. Then I start physically doing stuff – in other words, I’m not wearing makeup or jewelry or an attempt to match my clothng. Check.

I’m grwoing closer to God, which I think in the long run will help me handle everything better as I learn to trust in Him more and more. That’s a good thing. I don’t have to do EVERYTHING myself.

I start the dreaded WW again this Friday. That will help. My clothes are starting to get too tight.

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busy busy busy…

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I am not a social butterfly.

When I get off work, all I want to do is go home. I don’t particularly like people. In fact, Jay ususally does all the errands – he happens to like people. But now:

  • Bible study at church on Tuesday nights starts next week.
  • Amy wants to do Weight Watchers, but won’t go alone, and will actually pay for me to go with her. Friday nights, starting in a couple of weeks.
  • Bowling League Secretary. Yeah. That was my reaction too. My mom has been in bowlings leagues for, oh, about a century or so, and is the treasurer. The secretary is leaving over a salary dispute. I may take over. It would be about an extra $800 ever 16 weeks, which I could use to put towards debt. But it happens Monday nights.
  • Did I mention I should probably see my family, clean house, dinner, and the other household administrative tasks that are mine, plus our side business?

It hasn’t even started yet, and I’m tired. Thank God for these – as long as I take them, I feel a lot better. I just have to remember to take them. Ha.

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